Not On the Job!
by E.A. Cooper
Summary: Hardison/Parker, because there's not enough of them. When will they learn to behave? Rated T for talk of sex.


So this is my first posted Leverage. It was written because I noticed a distinct lack of Hardison/Parker fanfiction, even though that's where the show seems to be headed, and I did not approve in the slightest. Randy is a British term that means lustful.

* * *

"Hardison, I'm bored," Parker complained. He mumbled an apology, then fiddled with something on one of the computers.

"Can we have sex now? Please? Pretty please? I, Parker, would to have sex with you, Hardison, right now."

He turned to stare at her, all words slipping into incoherency as the rest of the team responded.

"Parker! We are on a job!"

"Well, someone's a little randy today."

"There was this girl once. We went 'round twenty-four times."

Silence in all coms.

"Just a few more minutes, Parker," Nate pleaded, "then you and Hardison can go do whatever it is you do behind closed doors."

"Fine. A few more minutes. Ten, tops," she grumbled, worming her way onto Hardison's lap.

The relief in Nathan's voice was obvious. "That's all I'm asking."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

This particular job had quickly become stressful for both the thief and the hacker.

Christopher Tarrod, of the Tarrod tobacco industry (which produced the best-selling tobacco in the entire western hemisphere), had been snatching children from their foster parents in the middle of the night, and forcing them to work the tobacco fields. The parents were left devastated and were declared unfit to raise a foster child. Mr. Tarrod received free labor, which lowered the cost of his tobacco to a price significantly lower than the other brands.

Mr. and Mrs. Antis of Hayesville, Nebraska found Nate a week ago. They lost all six of their foster children, who varied in age from three years old to seventeen years old, and begged him to get them back.

Nate went undercover as a tobacco inspector, Sophie as an assistant to Mr. Tarrod, and Eliot as a laborer.

Since Parker and Hardison had grown up in the system, Nate thought it best to keep both of them on surveillance in the van.

Which resulted in a very bored Parker.

"So. Ten minutes. We can wait ten minutes, right, Babe?" Hardison asked softly. Parker mumbled something incoherent and shifted her position.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"How long do you think they'll last?" Eliot asked Nate, mirth present in his voice.

"Maybe seven minutes. Or six."

"I say five."

"Is that a bet, Eliot?"

"Hell yeah, it is."

"If I win, I get a hundred bucks."

Sophie snickered.

"No way, man. That's lame."

"Alright Eliot, since you're the master of bets, what are the terms?"

"If you win, I'll be your slave for a week. If I win, you have to let me plan a job."

"No, absolutely not, not going to-"

"You! Worker. Stopping chatting up the inspector and get back to work!"

"Yes, sir. We have a deal, Nate?"

"Fine, we have a deal. Now get back there before you blow your cover."

Eliot smirked. "I'm so gonna win."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

For a while, Parker laid against Hardison, listening to his heartbeat. He rested his chin on her and held her close. The action was both comfortable and comforting.

Hardison never wanted to let her go.

By minute three, Parker was hungry. She leaned over Hardison to reach the mini-fridge behind the driver's seat, giving him a nice view of her ass, which he rather liked. A lot. A lot, a lot.

At minute five, after having removed her com, Parker began whispering dirty things in Hardison's free ear.

Knowing it would be futile to fight his desire, Hardison took one last glance at his screens and removed his earpiece. He wasted no time in devouring Parker's mouth with his own. Clothing quickly littered every available space in the van.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The "woosh" noise heard in the remaining earbuds could only mean one thing: Eliot won.

From his station at the packing conveyor, Eliot glanced at Nate and just smirked. Nathan glared at him, and waved him back to his work.

Sophie chuckled in their ears. "Oh, I'm so excited for this next job, boys."

Her accent made it just a little more infuriating for Nathan. Trying to hide his anger, Nathan glanced toward the front door, where children were being led away quickly.

"Shit, the kids are going!" Eliot said.

"Parker, Hardison-"

"Don't have their coms in, Nate," Sophie reminded him.

"Alright, okay, um, can someone get me a cigarette?"

Eliot slipped him one from across the room.

"Thanks. I'm gonna follow them as far as I can. Sophie, you work on getting Parker and Hardison's attention."

"What do you want me to do, Nate? Barge in on them?"

"If you have to."

"Good thing we've got money," Eliot snickered, "you're gonna need an expensive therapist after that."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sophie slipped outside quickly, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like, "stupid kids and their libidos", as she made her way to the van.

She banged on the back door as loud as she could without raising a ruckus. Hearing no response, but maybe a moan or two, she moved to plan b.

Sophie stood next to the open front window, took a deep breath, and… blew it back out. Screaming would not work. People would look at her funny, Christopher'd think she was insane, she'd get fired, and their cover would be blown. It was really just not advisable for Sophie to scream.

"Oh, dammit," she whined, returning to the back door. With one hand over her eyes, Sophie yanked the door open.

"Sophie!" Parker and Hardison both shouted. She was so gonna kill them for this.

"Christopher is leaving with the kids. Get your clothes back on, and your coms back in, you have to follow him."

"Okay, we're on it, you go back… there, back wherever you were. Just go," Hardison said, pushing her out and shutting the door.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Once they'd returned the children, put Mr. Tarrod in the hands of the feds, and left both the Antis family and themselves with large sums of cash, the team returned to headquarters to review the case.

"Okay, that went well, then, didn't it, Nate?" Sophie asked, seating herself ever-so-gracefully, Eliot trailing behind her.

Nate merely smirked at her.

Hardison and Parker knew they'd messed up – big time. After a quick debate over who would enter first, Parker pushed Hardison in front of her. Together, they walked sheepishly to their seats.

"Okay," Nate began, "the kids are back where they belong, the Antis family's a lot richer, we're a lot richer. All in all, it was a job well done, right?"

"Oh yes, absolutely, job well done, who wants cake?" Parker said.

The rest of the team just looked at her.

"No? No cake? Fine. Whatever. More for me." Hardison rolled his eyes and grabbed her hand under the table.

"It went well," Nate continued, "but it might not have. Christopher and the kids could have gotten away, and we would have had no idea where they were."

Parker suddenly became very interested in the table while Hardison chugged an entire bottle of orange soda.

"Can anyone tell me why this almost happened?"

Hardison ran out of his soda excuse, and therefore, had to talk.

"Well, man, it's really all your fault." Sophie slapped a hand to her forehead and Eliot shook his head, enjoying the scene.

"My fault? And how would it be my fault, Hardison?"

"You kept us here. All of us. All night. You wouldn't let us leave. And we didn't want to do anything with everyone here. So we didn't. And, we were, uh, sexually frustrated, if you will. See? You see how that's all your fault?"

Nate nodded. "Uh-huh. You're sure about that Hardison?"

Hardison nodded. Sophie rolled her eyes.

"Because the way I remember it, you and Parker were in my living room, playing Halo all night long."

Parker snorted. "I totally kicked his ass."

"Uh-huh," Nate said. "Don't let it happen again."

"Okay."

"And you, uh, don't need to tell us when you're gonna have sex," Eliot added.

"Right," Parker said, standing. Hardison followed her lead. "No sex on the job and no telling. Got it."

"Good," Nate said. "Dismissed."

"Why don't we go finish what we started?" Hardison whispered to Parker, handing her coat to her.

Parker nodded, and they quickly slipped out the door.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"So, Soph," Eliot said, grinning.

"Eliot," she said politely.

"What was it like?" Nate asked.

"What was what like?"

"Those two, Parker and Hardison," Eliot said.

"Was it good for you?" Nate quipped.

"Did it make you all hot and bothered?"

"Oh, you pigs! I am going home. I will see you both in the morning, when you have had a chance to figure out how to grow up," Sophie said, storming out the door.

"She loved it," Nate said, leaning against the door.

Eliot laughed. "She so did."


End file.
